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Disappointment

There is a feeling that overwhelms, it is similar to the opening of a flood gate, a sudden outpouring of disgust and disappointment. I'm not one to judge but I am one to express my own feelings, no matter how disjointed or tangential it is to the subject matter.
To establish my position against the whole event will entirely be an expression of futility. To what end would I want to continue practicing futility? But something must be said and it must be said within the bounds of reason and with the purpose of clarity. However; today is not a time for clarity, rather; it is a time for cloudedness. A time for opaqueness but with the purposeful will of fury. What anger can suffice where no action can be done? Such is the feeling of sickness, the need to expedite the wrongness of the entire situation.
So the man/kid inside me asks. How long have you been making that draft? I answer with general disregard for the topic, "I've been making this draft for twenty-five years." The conversation clearly takes a dip in this part and the man/kid looks at me with a critical eyes and stops in his track. We were walking of course but this time he really stops in his track, his eyes wide with surprise and disbelief. But there were eight other emotions thrown in the mix and I'm pretty sure I spotted disgust. I continue walking with 'I don't need this shit look on my face'. The man/kid still doesn't move, I pace him and now I'm several blocks away. I can still hear him screaming at me without making a sound.
A pittance and then there was nothing else. We've made this draft. Time to make the final copy, I received a deathline notice and now the publishers are angry.
Stuck in the mud. Please don't sleep when I try to explain something about work. You end up biting your own ass. I'm seriously getting pissed at the way you keep instructing people on the wrong things and refuse to accept criticism or even the fact that your ass is wrong.

Mar. 20th, 2009

Thank God that feeling is over. Time to make time.
I can't help but feel I'm f*cking up the end game.

Mar. 4th, 2009

Language has a certain way of somehow taking something from life that is represented in symbols and syntactic structure as well as a matrix of selection among others in creating an idea. Programming language is not devoid of this idea even though it might be very easy to fall into thinking that programming is merely a series of redundant lines of code. '11010111', 'Hello World' are lines of code that are most commonly found with new learners of languages as is the case with me. But looking into lines of code sometimes I see beauty.
It is a beauty that is not really one that is immediately conceived but one that requires a little more effort in perception. One speaker said that 'Hello World' is a very powerful line. From there somehow I began to look at code not merely as a vessel of a programmers conscious will but also the unconscious. I am not speaking of code elegance or of code efficiency as these concepts are not yet within my capacity to write about to fully understand them. Instead, I will talk about a common concept in programming. The 'for loop'.
This loop is commonly used in order to traverse an array, print out material on screen and other tasks that need repetition until a certain condition is met. Such is the creation of the language in computer programming that it is found in almost all languages that I have begun studying in school. The for loop is a powerful concept not because it can create repetition without the need to recreate lines of code. It is a powerful concept as it represents the computer programmers will. I don't know much about Bjarne Stroustroup, John Backus or Dennis Ritchie or maybe Robert Turing. They are names that I haven't begun to appreciate let alone know the intricacies of. What for loop represents to these pioneers of programming is a Sisyphean Concept. Yes, it is a Sisyphean concept of trying.
The for loop represents an aspect of humanity where the struggle continues until a certain condition is met. Sometimes, an errant line of code creates a never-ending loop and sometimes the condition is without much ado. The for loop represents what a sliver of humanity. Somehow the concept of art really ties in with this concept.
Life creates for us conditions wherein we are forced to create for loops. These loops are our dreams. We keep trying until we meet our objectives. These loops are our frustrations. We keep trying even though we fail. These loops are our struggle up mountains.
It maybe easy to say that the for loop is a misrepresentation of our struggles since it is a very limited concept. To this I agree, for there are some struggles, some dreams, some mountains whose very nature we just do because we have to. Some struggles we continue to do not because of the need to meet a certain condition but because traversing the array, printing out our stuggles in our lives, and other tasks that only our mind can mention to us or our heart can whisper to us. Whatever our loops may be, where ever they may take us we can always take heart in the pioneer creation of the programming language; a never-ending loop to help us with dreaming.
Fuck. You ran over a kid and a woman. You killed the kid. And all you could say was "wala akong magagawa aksidente yun e."
You have no shred of humanity left.
What's a hobo like me doing in UP? Apparently things have changed so much that there are now new opportunities. I'd like to think it was all hard work but I won't say luck had no part in it. There always new endeavors but somehow I'm beginning to get burned out. I did nothing for the day except play deadspace. I've been killing monsters left and right. Gigabytes worth of them. But I still have a lot to go before I sleep. Miles to go before I can being to think about sleeping. I have a Software Quality Analysis, Project Management Plan, Change Management Plan, Scope Statement, Project Charter, and Project Communication Plan. Not a single word has been written. Not a single hour sacrificed to honor the god of grades. This sucks ass.
Break it down into smaller parts.
Begin with a first letter.
Brainstorm.
Write with a pen.
To say the least, portobello mushrooms are pretty much flavorless. I did certain things wrong but I thought the flavor of the mushroom would still be able to save the day but it didn't. But at least next time I know what to do with it. I'd rather use it as a meat substitute and let it soak up the flavor of whatever it's marinated in. Still there are many ways I can explore how to cook potty mushrooms. Potty mushroom burger. Potty mushroom pasta. Potty mushroom pizza(kind of a waste really).

but in the end i think simple dishes would still rule the day. like toast and some mozarella and tomatoes on top. simple but it works.
I recently got a portobello mushroom from S&R Price Club and I'm looking forward to cooking it. I wanted to cook portobello mushrooms for a long time but I never really got into it. Since it's our quarterly vacation, I now have some free time to practice my cooking skills(or lack thereof) So for the first time I'm going to try and cook it. This is a recipe I got off the internet and it kinda looks good. I'll upload some pictures when I get the time. Oh yeah and GSP versus Anderson Silva has to happen.

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childrenofmice
childrenofmice

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